Long post (you may need a Zoloft)

Well, I didn't get that job I was hoping for.

I didn't get a raise at my current job either.

(Other people in the office ARE getting a raise, however. Did I not get one because I am a woman? Or because I am incompetent? If I am THAT incompetent - why haven't I been laid off or fired? I didn't get a raise ... again ... because they are assholes.) I'm getting really, really fed up with an environment of negative re-enforcement, constant bitching, cranky people, fights and passive aggressive, snarky e-mails. For what? I work so hard and have nothing to show for it.

I have sold almost everything I own to pay the bills. Sometimes I go an entire day and don't eat. I am constantly playing catch up with rent and bills. It's getting really, really old. I'm so tired of these people making me feel utterly inadequate and stupid. (I know I'm good at what I do!) Thank goodness I have my horse and a handful of really great friends. They keep me from turning to booze ... too much. haha.

Hampton and Janis, a mini-dwarf

In the midst of life really sucking, Hampton continues to come through for me. He has been beyond awesome lately - he doesn't even feel like a 4 year old anymore. I have worked a bit on counter-canter, which has made major progress. We can now counter canter a 20 meter circle in a nice balance. I'll probably leave that alone for a while until we start to think about learning changes.

This week we have been working on power. Lots of slow trot - BIG trot transitions. Also, leg yield to the rail and immediately power trot forward. He has really started to get the hang of trot lengthenings. He was so incredible yesterday that I decided oh what the hell, lets try a half-pass. Here's what I did:

Trot down the centerline. Make a 10-12 meter circle left. Back on the centerline, keep the idea of left bend, half pass left to the rail - ride the shoulders over. ... And he did it.

I immediately let him stretch, walk and praised him obnoxiously. Could we have had more bend? Yes. It wasn't perfect, but it was there. I guess that's what happens when your horse is on the bit and obedient to your leg aids - the "tricks" become simple. If the basics are there, then the rest will come. Half pass to the right was a little more difficult, which I expected, but he still gave a good effort. I lost the haunches a bit, but whatevs. I'm so excited about how he is coming along. And he is happy and healthy. That makes the rest of my life a lot more tolerable.

In other news (I told you this would be a long post),

In an effort to try and 1) get some extra income and 2) find a back up plan so I can escape this job, I have finally decided to develop my photography hobby. For now, it's going to stay a glorified hobby, but I'm taking steps to one day make it a full time job (I hope!). I have had numerous people nudge me in that direction. Plus, I took one of those expensive career tests and it, too, said photography is up my alley.

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Any comments, advice, etc. is welcome. I love critiques, just don't write me a snarky, passive aggressive e-mail because I get enough of those in one week. :)