Post by Hampton: Annual review



What is wrong with this picture?
Answer: There are no treats being dispensed!


Greetings blog readers. This is Hampton. Karen, the usual author of this blog, is my humble servant human companion. Since she writes so much about my abilities and performance under saddle, I feel it is only appropriate to also give her a review. So here you are, people.


Core competencies


Grooming:

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations

Needs improvement. Personally I believe I should be curried on my butt cheeks for a good 15-20 minutes each day. I am lucky if Karen briefly curries my butt cheeks - only to get a good laugh since apparently my reaction is funny to her. Most days I get a very ordinary grooming and then I have to promptly go to work. I'd rather be groomed for an hour and work for 5 minutes, not the other way around. Also, more treats.

Riding abilities:

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations


Meets expectations. Sometimes the human asks me to do things I find are stupid (such as walking on the bit when there is a cute mare galloping around in the next field) but overall I enjoy our adventures and I especially enjoy going out in the big fields and running at jumps. This scares my human but I get a kick out of it. I wish she would quit trying to jump the jumps for me, however. I mean who has four legs here? Me. Clearly capable. Since I am so intelligent, I do enjoy her challenges and for the most part she treats me fair so I try my best to keep her butt in the saddle. This rating would be upgraded if she would give me treats WHILE riding.


On time completion of scheduled activities, farrier, vet, vaccinations, de-worming:

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations


Exceeds expectations. GOD FORBID the human slacks off on the vet schedule. But I do likes the chiro lady who helps my tense back and hip (symptoms of NOT ENOUGH TREATS). The farrier dude is cool, too. Not a fan of wormer but somehow the human is able to trick me ito ingesting this gunk by offering me treats. Tricky lady she is!

After my dentist appointment, I was soooooo wasted man.

Level of endearing comments regarding said equines, both online and in person:

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations

Meets expectations. While I am aware that the Human constantly brags about me on her so-called blog, I'm not sure anyone realizes just how awesome I am. I am a big deal. People know me.

Stylishness and comfort of transportation rig (trailer / truck):

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations

Meets expectations. I suppose my current limo is acceptable. It is large with plenty of natural air conditioning. I wish the Human would install a TV so I could watch something other than the haynet during long trips. Or at least a radio for crying outloud. Her driving skills leave a lot to be desired, too.


Number of treats per interaction:

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations

Needs improvement. I'm not sure why she hauls me in out of the lush grass only to make me stand around while she fidgets with brushes and tack. Why is there not a Fancy-Feast type platter of Mrs. Pastures treats in front of me? Typically, I can convince Human to give me a treat or two by acting cute. But overall, the Human does not dispense nearly enough treats.

Cleanliness of stables and pastures:

A: Needs improvement

B: Meets expectations

C: Exceeds expectations

Exceeds expectations. She lets me live the bachelor life by living outdoors with my homies. I drink out of a creek and there is unlimited grass to eat all the time. Sadly, she quit feeding me the yummy grain I used to get. She said something about me getting fat. That is nonesense. ... More treats would be nice, however.