Slam.

Oh boy am I in a funk.

• I feel like I work really hard and have nothing to show for it.
(I live in a house with 3 roomies and I have LONG graduated from college)


• My bestest friend moved away and I miss her so much. She was my trail-riding pal, my drink wine and watch movies pal. I don't typically have close girlfriends, but she was the exception. I could tell her anything. She's 600 miles away and it's a bummer.

• My other close friend in the area is also moving away.

• He doesn't love me back.

• My job ends in April. Oh yeah, and it's March 20. I don't have another job lined up yet. This after furiously applying to job after job for the past year and a half.

• My truck is acting up. The trailer brake doesn't work, but it's also making some weird noises probably involving the brakes and/or some wheel bearing crap.

• My savings account balance: $0.

• My checking account: $Not much more than the savings.

• I have nothing left to sell to cover bills when I get laid off. I sold my LCD flat screen TV, all of my camera lenses, all of my (really pricey) model horses, my bit collection, two saddles, my bass guitar that I loved, several amps, and numerous other items. I have my truck left to sell but it isn't exactly in great working order ...

I truly feel like I am losing control over my life and I don't like it one bit. I feel empty and a little bit lonely. My job and relationships have left me feeling tossed aside, used and foolish. Every day I come into work and they are doing something else to prepare for "the transition" after which I will no longer be needed. At this point I'm not even sure there is a future for me at all in this business.

... but then I look back and realize that I'm a pretty strong chic. I have not written about what happened to me a few years ago (2006-07 ish) but I think if I can survive that, I can survive anything. I look back and am proud at how strong I have become. Instead of crying, I'm more likely to kick you in the nuts. And you know, when you step back from situations like this, I know I would have eventually gotten fed up with this job and left, I would have eventually lost interest in that boy. They aren't what I want. It just sucks in the meantime, because the rug was sort of pulled out from under me.

With all these doors closing - I wonder how many new ones will open up?

... and thank goodness for Hampton. He is the best damn thing to happen to me. He will see me through this rough patch.

Somehow, I know I will land on my feet. I always do. :)